Pearl and Garnet's Adventure
by LAPIS FTW
Summary: Pearl and Garnet find out about a new App called Pokemon Go through Steven's friend Rolando, and have a less then pleasant experience. This was written at 4:00 in the morning and should not be taken seriously. Will probably never be continued. Feel free to flame, we feed off of hate. (PARODY FIC)


_**A/N: We don't own Pokemon Go, or Steven Universe, they both belong to their respective owners.**_

* * *

Pearl was jerking off in the bathroom to the thought of her dead lover Rose Quartz, crying out "Rose" as she did so. Just as she was just about to finish, she heard a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" She asked, putting her shape shifted dong away. The person didn't answer, instead they opened the door. Pearl gasped.  
"Garnet?! What are you doing?!"

Garnet didn't answer, she just walked around the bathroom.

"Garnet, Garnet… Garnet" Pearl said as she slipped on her uniform. Garnet ignored her, taking a seat on the bathtub. Pearl became annoyed and screamed "GARNET!" Garnet then looked up from her phone (Which Pearl didn't realize she had until she pulled it away from her face)

"What is it, Pearl?" Garnet said, slightly annoyed at being interrupted. Pearl pointed to the phone.

"What are you watching?" she asked, curious.

"I'm a watching a video on the human anatomy, it's very interesting" Garnet replied, turning her attention back to the phone. Pearl heard a suggestive noise come from the phone, and she looked over Garnets shoulder.

"Porn-hub?" Pearl said slowly, reading the the logo at the top of the website. Garnet nodded and paused the video.

"Interesting, right?" Garnet asked, Pearl nodded. They began to talk about the video for a little bit, mostly commenting on the 'Odd Positions". They heard a somewhat loud bang, and a voice from the other side of the door .

"You guys have to let me in! The Gyrados is in here!" from what they could hear, it sounded like Rolando. Not understanding exactly what a 'Gyrados' is, both Pearl and Garnet summoned their weapons and looked around.

"Where?!" They both shouted. They heard the sound of a lock being picked, and then the bathroom door swung open. Rolando quickly ran in, and while they still kept their weapons up, they watched with confusion as Rolando shouted 'What? no more pokeballs?!" Pearl and Garnet looked at each other. They stepped closer, looking over Rolando's shoulder as he played on his phone.

"What are you playing?" Pearl inquired of him. Rolando scoffed slightly.

"Pokemon Go, duh!" Rolando answered. That only added to their confusion.

"And what is this, Pokemon Go, you speak of?" Garnet asked Rolando. Rolando gasped, dropping his phone.

"It's only the greatest mobile game to come out in existence!" He cried out. He gave Garnet a strange look "Don't tell me you never heard of it?!" He said warily. When Garnet gave him a blank stare, he gasped loudly.

"Oh my god, you haven't!' He cried out, he quickly swiped the phone from Pearl's hand (Who was looking up Gem porn) and went to the appstore. He downloaded Pokemon Go and connected to the server. He handed it back to Garnet.

"Here, I downloaded it for you, now you just need to create your own account." Rolando explained. He grabbed his phone off the floor and walked out of the house.

"Good luck!" He hollered. Garnet looked at the phone. She tilted her head slightly.

"Log in with gmail?" She murmured, she felt Pearl peek her head over her shoulders.

"Oh, Steven has a Google Account we can use, I know all his passwords!" Pearl exclaimed. She swiped the phone from Garnet's hands and quickly logged into Steven's account. After that, someone named Professor Willow started to talk to them on the phone. Both Garnet and Pearl listened intently as he walked them through the world of Pokemon Go. When it came time to choose their starter Pokemon, they had a slight disagreement over it.

"We should pick the fire one!" Garnet argued. Pearl shook her head.

"No, we should choose the water turtle!" Pearl argued back. Eventually, after a solid five minutes of arguing over their starter, they eventually agreed to go with the mutual choice, the Pokemon with the leaf pod on its back. After they tapped on the Pokemon, it suddenly zoomed into it. The camera activated, and next thing they know, the Bulbasaur was sitting on their bathroom sink. They were prompted to catch it.

After 60 lost poke balls (Both Garnet and Pearl discovered that they were terrible at aiming) they finally caught the Bulbasaur. Finally they were asked to choose their username.

"How about Garnet Wins?" Garnet suggested with a smug smile, Pearl shook her head and gave her a fake sweet simile.

"No, no, that's stupid, how about, PearlIsBestGem?" Pearl said with confidence oozing out of her voice. After several minutes of disagreeing, they finally settled on "SaltyFusion". After they chose their username, Prof. Willow told them to have fun and to 'complete the pokedex', whatever that meant. When Prof. Willow let them go, they were both excited to begin.

"We can use the warp pad to catch them easily!" Pearl suggested as they walked out into the living room. Garnet shrugged.

"I think walking would be more fun, it adds adventure" Garnet countered. Suddenly, they were notified by Stevens's phone.

 _Low Battery_

They groaned.

"I guess we'll have to wait for it to charge." Garnet muttered. Pearl frowned, and looked up at Garnet.

"Alright, but where's the charger?" She asked. Garnet frowned at her.

* * *

So Garnet and Pearl struggled to find the charger, practically turning the house inside out as they looked for a compatible charger for the phone. After about three hours of looking, they found out that Amethyst ate the only compatible charger. While they were irritated at first, They searched around Amethyst's room, eventually finding a portable one. Feeling triumphant in their search, they plugged it in, opened Pokemon Go and walked over to the warp pad, and settled on going to the strawberry battlefield first to begin their adventure. They looked around for Pokemon, and found (in there opinion from not knowing jack shit about the game) great Pokemon such as Pidgey, Rattata, Zubat and a few other common shit Pokemon. They finally found a good Pokemon. It was a Pikachu. They walked over to it and tried to catch it, but with no luck

"Damn it, it looked like a good one too." Pearl said out of anger, as they continued on their adventure. Unfortunately, they had no other luck in their search. It seemed like no matter how far they walked, they couldn't find a single Pokemon. After several hours of frustration, they decided to go back home and do whatever gems do when it's 4 in the morning. When they arrived home on the warp pad, Pearl let out a groan as she stepped off it.

"Well, that was mildly disappointing." Pearl said, Garnet nodded, sitting on the couch with Pearl.

"Maybe we can try again tomorrow?" Garnet asked Pearl, Pearl shrugged and started to reply when the phone vibrated. They looked at it, and noticed a Snorlax had appeared right in front of them. They looked at each other with wide eyes, before Garnet quickly tapped on the Snorlax. They noticed with delight that the Snorlax's CP was 456 (Better then the common Pokemon they have been catching). While Garnet tried to catch it, Pearl cheered her on. Finally, after missing 10 times, they hit it with a pokeball. They held their breath as it started to shake.

 _One..._

 _Two..._

 _Powering Off.._

What.

The phone screen went black. The battery died.

They both stared at the blank phone with disbelief, Garnet let out a noise of Rage as she snapped the Phone in two.

"Damn it! This wouldn't of happened if you just predicted that the phone was going to die!" Garnet shouted at herself, her voice slightly gruffer then usual.

"Are blaming me for the phone dying?" Garnet asked herself, with a much calmer and softer voice. Pearl watched on a with fear and worry for her leader. Suddenly, Garnet glowed brightly as she split into Ruby and Sapphire. Ruby glared at Pearl.

"Pearl! Tell Sapphire that I'm right!" Ruby snapped at Pearl, crossing her arms as she pouted. Sapphire scoffed.

"How can you be right about me not using my future vision for this stupid game?" Sapphire retorted. Pearl looked between the two, unsure of how to answer and stop them. Finally, she notice a ball on the table and, in an attempt to lighten the mood, threw it at Ruby's head, saying weakly "Hey, look, a charmander." Ruby collapsed on the floor the moment it it her head, clutching her hand and crying out in pain.

"Ow! Sapphire, Pearl cracked my Gem! Kill her!" Ruby growled out, pointing at Pearl, who stared at her blankly. Sapphire tilted her head at Ruby.

"Ruby, Pearl hit you in the head with a rubber ball, there is no way she could of cracked your Gem, which is on your hand." Sapphire explained slowly. Ruby turned to glare at her.

"Yeah right! Look at this thing!" She shoved her gem in Sapphire's face, Sapphire stared at it.

"Ruby, that's a smudge." Sapphire said. Ruby ignored her, and instead rolled over and started to groan as she clutched her gem, occasionally murmuring out 'Avenge me' or 'Why?'. Pearl and Sapphire looked at each other and face palmed.


End file.
